After watching Sex/Life on Netflix,
I started to wonder a lot about monogamy
Haven't we all?
Well, let’s go to google and see what the definition is.
**Spoiler Alert** If you haven’t watched it, the following is a little giveaway.
The main character, Billie, a married woman undergoes a challenge in her life. Her thrill for life and passion was not being “met” by her very stable and handsome, loving, husband Cooper with whom she had been with for 8 years already. Suddenly she began to journal and fantasize about her ex. The ex, Brad was also handsome, wealthy, but legit all about sex. Billie was wild and free prior to meeting Cooper. She explored these wild desires with Brad. She was adventurous and not shy about her sexuality at all. With Cooper, she had settled into motherhood, wife, and housewife in the suburbs.
Keyword: settled. 🙄
Why do people settle at all if they know it won’t be enough?
Billie and Brad had a horrible relationship and breakup. Despite all of that she still thought about Brad often. Billie was not satisfied with her husband (sexually) At one point she thought she could have this with Brad, the whole 100% but because of the toxicity of their relationship- she decided to give Cooper a chance and see if she could have it all. This is when the 80/20 rule comes into play for me. The 80/20 rule is simply the general term or calculation used to exemplify how people operate. When people have the 80% yet lose it all for the 20%, is beyond me. In this case, you could assume that Cooper was meeting Billie’s needs at 80% and Brad was the other 20% that she needed to feel “whole”.
The show also got me thinking about why people cheat at all.
My conclusion: People cheat because they cannot fulfill their own happiness so they become dependent on external factors like sex to make them feel complete.
So the follow-up question or curiosity is :
Can monogamy be achieved when someone in a marriage like Billie and Cooper’s struggles with sexual fantasies and desires?
My prognosis is Hell Nah!
32-Year-old Midlife crisis?
Can a 32-year-old experience a midlife crisis?
What a question! As I showered this morning I realized that I could potentially be living through a midlife crisis. I mean I know I am only 32 but my life has been everything but ordinary. Most people begin their lives now. Most people marry in their early 30's and have kids throughout their 30’s and 40's. Considering the age I had my children and got married, I am right there in terms of phases of life where the 30-year-olds are now in their mid 40’s going through the changes!
I don’t feel older physically or mentally but emotionally I am so drained.
My children are now 14 and 15. They start school this week. I officially have two kids in high school and I cannot deal with it!
Somehow I feel like they are slipping away from my fingertips and they no longer need a mom. I know I am exaggerating (to a certain point) but as a woman who dedicated her youth to her children and became an adult as a mother, the role is everything I know and love (aside from the role of wife) that I love and hold so dear and near to my soul.
Once upon a time, my chipmunks were warm and cozy in my womb and as they grow older into needing less of me, I find myself at a loss of time and energy. I programmed myself to give and now I am finding myself useless. I know that this is the cycle of life but man, when reality starts to set in my heart, I begin to feel so lonely.
I started to experience the roller coaster of emotions last month. My husband and I sat on a beach in Perdido Key, Florida listening to Sade and having a couple of cold ones. Life was feeling good. My kids were in the ocean with huge smiles on their faces and their skin sun-kissed to the max. I stared at their curly hair, imagined their laughs over the sound of the waves and the people talking on the shore and their mix of music. That’s when it hit me. They didn’t need me anymore. I sat there with a huge hole in my heart. I felt like my favorite role on a tv show was canceled. Like my favorite dish on the menu was discontinued. Like my favorite song is no longer on the radio. Like my life was over. I know I sound dramatic as hell. But I am a mother. Above all, above woman, above wife, above educator, above friend. I have always been a mom. A caregiver. A giver period! And now, I feel like a part of my life no longer makes sense.
I am a busy woman aside from being a mom and wife. I teach full-time. I have a podcast called, True Lessons. I am a life coach and am currently in school to get certified. I clean and cook and love to read and watch movies/tv series wherever I have “extra time”. I know I am busy but being a mom fills me up.
I know that this is a hard transition and I know they haven’t officially left the nest yet but the feeling alone of not being needed as I used to leave me with so much room to do more for me and it’s something I have to get used to now.
I am grateful for their health, our health, and I am thankful that my biggest pain right now in my life is that life is literally moving swiftly into the stages of life that it's supposed to. I have to relearn myself. I have to relearn my life. I have to relearn and unlearn so many things about myself as a parent and woman.
Many people may think that this is awesome. I am 32 and already have the freedom to dedicate so much time to myself after raising such amazing human beings but if you know me personally you know that being a mother is not only my favorite role in life, it has been almost everything to me. Through them, raising them, I became an adult myself and so we grew up together. Perhaps that is the biggest part of myself that I am having trouble accepting. We have to go our separate ways and I have to learn to be someone other than the roles I play in life.
I know exactly what I have to do. I know exactly how to do it. I just don’t want to. LOL
And no, I don’t want a fancy car or to cut my hair or to go wild. I know life is short but my life is only about to begin and I have lived a whole life as a mom and wife at 32 already!
So my midlife crisis drama is not about age, it's about the experience.
My midlife crisis is not about what I am missing or fear of missing out on the little bit of youth I have left because truth be told, I am very very young.
My midlife crisis is about emotions.
I am sure I will go through another one (midlife crisis) when my back and knees give out completely one day, but until then, I will keep you all posted here- through my blogs, media posts, books, and my podcast.
As I sat down to get my nails done today, I stared at the colors behind my nail technician. I had already selected a color, yet I felt impelled to choose another color. Then my mind went from wanting one color to another and then another and another. Ladies, we have all second-guessed our nail color choice, even though it's for only 2 weeks! What I couldn’t believe was that there were so many beautiful colors I had never noticed before.
Why hadn’t I looked before?
I usually watch a show or listen to a podcast when I’m getting my nails done but guess what? I left my phone at home. Yeah - I know! Shocker! If you know me, you know that I always have my phone with me. I did realize I didn’t have my phone when I was already a couple of blocks away and decided I would be right back anyway so why not leave it? I panicked for like 5 minutes and then felt so free to just be.
So basically - leaving my phone at home allowed me to see the beautiful array of colors that I had never noticed before.
I had walked around so distracted for so long that I neglected what was in front of me the entire time.
This is what they mean when they say- put your phone down. Look up and literally look at all the beauty the world has to offer! In my case, it was a simple recognition of the options right in my face.
Two songs come to my mind when I think of this experience:
True Colors sang by Cindy Lauper and Colors of the Wind sang by Judy Kuhn
Lillian likes to share her thoughts. Sometimes her experiences are shared here and on her podcast; True Lessons
All rights reserved. No part of my blogs may be reproduced or used in any manner without the prior written permission of the copyright owner, except for the use of brief quotations in a review with proper credits.These are my thoughts but I also consider them to be sacred on some level. Be sure to contact me for permission.
© 2020 La Autora