Monogamy, the 80/20 Rule, and Sex/Life

After watching Sex/Life on Netflix,
I  started to wonder a lot about monogamy 
in general. 
  Haven't we all? 
Well, let’s go to google and see what the definition is.
     mo·nog·a·my*
      Noun

• the practice or state of being married to one person at a time.
• the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner.
• the habit of having only one mate at a time.

*Definitions from Oxford Languages
 **Spoiler Alert** If you haven’t watched it, the following is a little giveaway. 
The main character, Billie, a married woman undergoes a challenge in her life. Her thrill for life and passion was not being “met” by her very stable and handsome, loving, husband Cooper with whom she had been with for 8 years already. Suddenly she began to journal and fantasize about her ex. The ex, Brad was also handsome, wealthy, but legit all about sex. Billie was wild and free prior to meeting Cooper. She explored these wild desires with Brad.  She was adventurous and not shy about her sexuality at all. With Cooper, she had settled into motherhood, wife, and housewife in the suburbs. 

Keyword: settled. 🙄

Why do people settle at all if they know it won’t be enough?  

Billie and Brad had a horrible relationship and breakup. Despite all of that she still thought about Brad often. Billie was not satisfied with her husband (sexually)   At one point she thought she could have this with Brad, the whole 100% but because of the toxicity of their relationship- she decided to give Cooper a chance and see if she could have it all. This is when the 80/20 rule comes into play for me.  The 80/20 rule is simply the general term or calculation used to exemplify how people operate. When people have the 80% yet lose it all for the 20%, is beyond me. In this case, you could assume that Cooper was meeting Billie’s needs at 80% and Brad was the other 20% that she needed to feel “whole”. 

1. If you are not “whole” alone, no one could ever fulfill your 100%. The whole idea that anyone can do anything at 100% is just unrealistic anyway but this is what society has created and we have played into it already so let’s not kid ourselves. 
2. This is where monogamy comes into play. Not only the definition but the practice.If someone is feeling unsatisfied, there is almost nothing you can do to stop them from seeking the 20%. I believe that humans are always going to be dissatisfied. Humans conform for a limited time and then they need something else. I mean people evolve, people grow -it is part of life. However, does that mean that people must grow apart from their spouses/partners? Unless they never were on the same frequency to begin with. 
3. What IF the 20% is actually the 80%? Is this why monogamy is not achievable by those who confuse the 2 , especially if they are like Billie. Billie’s 80% seems to be more about her sexuality (which for some people could be the 20%) because without it, she doesn't identify herself as whole. 
4. There is absolutely nothing wrong with anyone’s sexuality. I just think that if anyone feels sexually frustrated, to the point where it impacts their entire life, their family, their health (mental), their marriage/committed relationships, then monogamy isn’t for them. If sex is such a huge part of you, then don’t put all of your sexual desires into one partner. In the same way, you cannot put on to your partner your other tribulations like love itself. 
5. Again, monogamy doesn’t make a person or a relationship be the end all be all. Many people are happy today in throuples, identify as pansexuals, and so on. I just hate when people pretend to be of a monogamous persona. If your partner isn’t satisfying enough for you, or anyone for that matter- just say that. But say it from the beginning. Don’t lead people on. Don’t allow your partner to believe monogamy is important to you only because you expect monogamy from your partner while you are unable to be monogamous yourself- that is manipulation. 

In Billie’s case, she thought another kind of life would suppress her from feeling these sexual fantasies. People don’t change. Behavior? Sure. Values and Morals... Not so much… But that’s a conversation for another day. 

The show also got me thinking about why people cheat at all.
My conclusion: People cheat because they cannot fulfill their own happiness so they become dependent on external factors like sex to make them feel complete.  

So the follow-up question or curiosity is :

Can monogamy be achieved when someone in a marriage like Billie and Cooper’s struggles with sexual fantasies and desires? 

My prognosis is Hell Nah! 

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