The win-win mentality is more about the pain than it is the triumph. I hear a lot about the butterfly effect. Everyone is transforming, suddenly. I don’t know if it’s a temporary quarantine effect or an actual growth spurt but kudos to you for both because everything grandiose starts small.
In order to have the win-win mentality - you have to suffer a lot. You have to endure loss, rejection, denial, neglect, confusion, and darkness. Whether it’s a combination of some or all, you can define each category as you please. I shall define them as such.
Loss can be experienced in different forms. Perhaps your loss is of a person, a relationship, a job, a home, or even a loss of self. Sometimes you lose parts of yourself that no one else knows about because there are parts of yourselves you save for specific people, circumstances, or simply for your own hearts.
Rejection can simply be that an idea of yours is not welcomed, including but limited to your beliefs (mainly spiritual but also political). Your intellect can be rejected because the person or group whom you are communicating are close minded or simply unable to or choose not to hear you out or respect you enough to learn from you even if the information is incorrect. The more obvious act of rejection can be from an employer or potential one and lastly a rejection of facing a hurtful situation. You may seek peace with some, but they may be rejecting you because although you might be ready to face them, they most likely are not. ***Sidebar: Not everyone is built for truth even though they ask for it. 🙄
Denials are from the people you thought had your back or from the organizations you thought owed you something. You may expect honesty and loyalty from someone, but it can be denied faster than a debit card with overdrawn funds. Denials can come from superiors who may tell you to your face that you’re valuable but lack interest in your abilities to advance in placement. Denial can come from a family member who cannot accept the truth without keeping the emotion at the forefront. Denial is the root of lies and deceit. It is painful.
Neglect can be self-inflicted. You may go into a rabbit hole of depression, self-esteem deprivation, careless physical space or body and they all head towards neglect. What about the neglect received earlier on as a child? What about that mom or dad who brought you into this world but never gave you what you needed? Some do. Some feed you, provide shelter and send you off to a good school. They obey the law but never ever show you Love. These kinds of neglect cut deep and unfortunately trickle down to a repetitive cycle of trauma. We call these neglect childhood traumas, generational curses, and sometimes mask them as mental illness.
Confusion is tricky. Ironic. I know. As we develop into the adults we become, we are filled with confusion. We process how we are raised and start to create a visual of what we want in our future. However, sometimes the future is not what our circumstances can support or help flourish. We either become confused because of societal standards, family practice, media influence, religion, and sometimes simple curiosity. Confusion can make you do bad things because we blur the good and bad things and go with our hearts and not guts or brains. Remember that if you cannot make up your mind, go with your gut! At the end of the day, confusion can be used as an excuse when you mishandle your own life or make mistakes that could have easily been avoided.
Darkness is - well - the dark. It is the unknown. This is where fear hangs out, anxiety vacations and pain hides. Darkness is the thing that makes you come face to face with the demons that don’t let you live your best life! Darkness is where your shame creeps back up. Darkness sometimes is triggered by the slightest feeling of insecurity and reminder of your heaviest memories that causes your stomach to churn.
Without any of these described pains, triumph cannot be experienced on the level that it is intended. To describe it simply, let us look at the How enjoyable is a meal when you are not hungry? How quenching is the water when you are not thirsty? How comfortable is the bed when you are not tired? How refreshing is the shower when you have been home all day?
It is my personal experience that whenever I endure hardship or work hard for what I want and get, I appreciate it more than I would have if it came easily. I know that many people could relate and agree that whenever you are given something, you don’t treat the same as if you worked for it. Remember when you were a kid, and someone gave you money, but you would go spend it on the silliest thing or some weird game or sneakers? Now your paycheck goes out the window to pay bills and whatever cash you do have in your wallet you try to hold on to it for dear life. Nowadays the extra dollar flying around the dryer feels like winning the lottery.
Life is so much more gratifying for me after having experienced all the trauma, the heartaches, the darkness, the pain! It is important to remain in a state of gratitude and it is much more feasible as the underdog.
**This is probably why I love the METS! ⚾🙈
Once you know what it feels like to overcome the pain and actually experience joy, you begin to live in a win-win state of mind because you know what it feels like to lose and you are choosing to stay on top.
Someone must lose for someone else to win but whenever you have lost so much in life, you learn to live with that and instead of losing you learn something thus the win-win mentality is born.
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Lillian likes to share her thoughts. Sometimes her experiences are shared here and on her podcast; True Lessons
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